December 17, 2007

I took notes during every match for the CGS World Finals, and I never thought of doing a running diary. It was a serious oversight on my part, especially considering it’s one of my favorite things to do.

Thankfully, I rectified it before everything was over. I only wish it was a little longer – a true running diary goes until my fingers fall off. But, sadly, the World Finals match didn’t last that long.


6:10: – The stage announcer just told the audience “You’re going to applaud like Sanjaya was singing you a love song.” So, they’re not going to applaud at all? They’re going to run away, screaming in horror?

6:11 – Bowling for Soup’s song “1985” just came on over the speakers. Does that mean we’re playing Pong tonight?

6:15 – Seriously though, I think we’ve heard one song that didn’t go out of style at least four years ago.

6:19 – One of the guys took over the running diary while I was getting a drink. I'm comforted by the fact that we don't have internet, and any damage will be contained.

6:19 – On second thought, the lack of internet is also a continuing source of anger. Much anger.

6:21 – You'll be relieved to know the 1980's hip–hop mix continues, providing us with constant amusement.

6:22 – Is "Hey Ya" officially the most overplayed song, now? It has to be the second most popular song in history, trailing only "Happy Birthday"

6:23 – How long does it take for a song to fade out of consciousness? Twenty years? Thirty? Ever?

6:29 – The CGS brings up Carolina’s 1–point loss during the Region 1 Finals for the 8,323,892 time. That’s gotta be a little annoying. Isn’t that like breaking up with an extremely hot girl, and having your buddies ask where she is every two days? Talk about reopening the wound.

6:34 – One of the media guys is suggestively dancing next to me. I can't focus.

6:42 – I've solicited predictions from the people sitting around me, and we've got two votes for Chicago, one for Carolina, and the British guy voted for Birmingham. He heard a rumor that ch0mpr and Andy Pettitte have the same conditioning coach, and he’s hoping for a PED bust.

6:45 – Heaton enters the crowd looking like he just got back from killing old Yeller. That’s what a 9–point effort will do to you, I guess.

6:50 – They had some kids doing a dance contest on stage before the game started. Is it a bad sign for society that a 10 year old knows how to grind?

6:57 – I'm getting nervous. Why am I getting nervous? All I have to do is sit up here and make fun of people. At this rate, I'll be having a heart attack by the second game. Not good.

7:04 – We’ve added the predictions from various eSports luminaries; Chicago leads 5–4.

7:13 – Mystik is getting a beatdown. That’s a horrible sign for Carolina; she’s been their most consistent player so far.

7:15 – One thing I don't understand about DoA: How can one player pull off a perfect round in the middle of losing the match 5–1?  It’s completely bizarre. It's like driving, the engine falling out of the car, and then promptly reinserting itself sixty seconds later.

7:18 – Peekay gets booed during his introduction, as usual. If eSports continues to succeed, he might surpass Barry Bonds’ All–Time Jeers record.

7:22 – By the way, how appropriate is it to have a guy named "peekay" playing soccer? PK? Penalty kick? It’s like Ichiro calling himself “Batting Average” when he was five years old and hadn’t played a single game of baseball.

7:24 – I don't understand this offsides thing works in FIFA. They even have helpful diagrams with lines and everything. Doesn’t do any good. It seems random to me.

7:28 – After more questionable calls, I'm beginning to think even virtual referees are crooked.

7:34 – Hey everybody, it’s Andy Reif! Good to see he’s fulfilling his contractual obligation to Pepsi by holding a can during his interview.

7:35 – Do you think the PepsiCo people are upset that the commissioner’s fingers are in the way of the Pepsi logo on the can? I think somebody’s sending an angry e–mail as I type this.

7:36 – Seriously though, the product placement is ridiculous. The only thing we haven’t seen is Reif coming out with a Pepsi flag draped over his shoulders. It’s everywhere. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was required to trim his hedges into the Mountain Dew logo.

7:40 – We just made CGS history –– somebody (Blackmamba) actually admitted they got outplayed in the interview for their CGS profile. It’s a Christmas Miracle!

7:41 – That was immediately followed a derisive "he might be able to take down a girl" comment, referring to the Itagaki Challenge. Who's more insulted: Offbeat, or Vanessa?

7:49 – Dead or Alive 4 Male is a train wreck for Carolina. Blackmamba is just tearing apart Offbeat Ninja. DoA was supposed to be a strong point for Carolina. If they can’t win at least one DoA match, it’s going to be hard to make up the difference in PGR, where Chicago is a mortal lock to dominate.

7:50 – Fatality's dulcet tones lead us into another CS:S match. I’m still not sold on him as an announcer. On one hand, he provides us with great “what did he just say” lines, a la John Madden. On the other hand, John Madden stinks. I still have hope for Fatality, though.

7:52 – Phantom, one of Carolina’s PGR players, is just chillin’ on the bench while his team is trying desperately to close the gap. I think he’s already worried about ch0mpr and JasonX.

7:53 – This exchange just happened in the media area:

Guy: "What do you think of brawwwr?"
Me: "I love him."
Guy: "Jeez louise."
(Pause while I replay the tone of my voice in my head.)

(Oh crap!)

Some things just come out wrong.

7:57 – Shag picks up two kills with a USP on successive bullets. He should send Carolina a thank–you card for running into those.

7:58 – Devour gets three kills. Good to see he showed up today. The semi–finals were a disaster for him. It was so bad I thought he watched some of my demos as preparation.

8:07 – I didn’t think anybody could look more depressed than Heaton, but the Core GM, Mark Dolven, is closing the gap.
8:10 – My lord, Carolina looks defeated. I mean, it’s been a bad night, but they’re not out of it yet.

8:25 – I got lost in the CS match, sorry. I’m not even sure why, it looks like it’s over. The Carolina PGR duo needs to take first and second, and from their expressions, I’d rather bet on Joker and Twoface against Batman and Robin.

8:28 – Well, at this point, one thing is clear: If Carolina does manage to pull out the win, Rex and Phantom are getting the MVP.

8:30 – Yeah, that didn’t turn out so well. It's hard to tell from up here, but I think Dolven's so disappointed he went into a coma.

8:33 – They never really had a chance. 27–15 CHI > CAR

8:40 – More proof that the CGS is on another level: the Chicago GM, Brian Flander, is crying, and so are some Carolina members. They have different reasons, obviously, but I don’t think that happens at CPL, even back in the glory days.

8:44 – Dear Amazon Rainforest,

Thanks for giving us full access! We know you like the trees and everything, but we really needed all this confetti! Hooray, confetti!

Best Wishes,

8:45 – There are people in the framework for the ceiling. At this point, they’re just dropping confetti. Because we really need more confetti; there’s still some floor showing over there.

8:45 – Does it make the commissioner look less distinguished when he colored paper in his hair?

8:47 – Blackmamba was named the MVP, which gave us a great interview. He was completely overwhelmed. He seems like a genuinely nice guy, though.

8:48 – Full disclosure: if somebody handed me an MVP and a check for $25,000, I wouldn’t do any better. In fact, I’d probably sound like an interview with the old Simon game, except with words instead of notes. It’d probably go something like this:

I, man, just, wow. Wow. Just. Wow. I. I, I. Man, wow.

I’m really good with words like that.

8:50 – It’s crazy how fast they’re striking the set. At this point, I think the President could walk in, and they’d either ask him to move or just take the next piece of floor out from beneath him.

8:55 – It’s the end of the CGS. I’m pretty bummed. On the other hand, I’m incredibly excited for next season. I was amazed at how exciting the games were when I watched them live. It was better than most sports experiences I’ve had, even attending Cubs games at Wrigley Field – and I’m a huge Cubs fan.

Yes, I was more excited for DoA and FIFA than some “real” sports. I think that’s some of the best praise I can give the CGS.

Until next season!